Partnership: Six Misunderstandings During Pregnancy
Constant excitement because a baby is on the way? Impossible. Pregnancy is an exciting but also challenging time for couples. We highlight six typical friction points that can arise between partners during this special phase. Do you recognize yourselves? Don't worry, we have some tips for you to tackle these challenges together.
The Division of Roles
She wonders: Why is he acting so strangely? He thinks: I’m unnecessary. Many men sometimes feel like extras in a play where they don’t have the leading role during their partner's pregnancy. They see how their partner's life changes – the physical transformations, the emotions, and the anticipation of the baby. In an attempt to reclaim their place, they may behave oddly. Perhaps they engage the doctor in discussions about the latest technologies during the ultrasound or display exaggerated knowledge about childbirth. This can be frustrating. Try not to get upset. Show him that you can share the spotlight with him. How about suggesting that he talks to the baby, sings a little, and gently massages your belly at the same time? This can create a lovely connection. Play his favorite music while you both relax on the sofa and enjoy your time together. Maybe you can also calmly discuss what kind of father he wants to be, what tasks he wants to take on, and how you envision spending time with the baby.
The Emotions
She wonders if the baby is healthy. He worries if the stroller will fit in the trunk. Expectant fathers are no less insecure, nervous, or excited than expectant mothers – even if it doesn’t always seem that way. They often express their feelings differently: they laugh when they feel like crying, hide behind a camera, escape to the gym, or adopt an overly factual and exaggeratedly optimistic demeanor. The thought that something might be wrong with their partner or the baby can send them into a panic. Therefore, men urgently need to feel in control – which they might achieve, for example, by buying a stroller or assembling the crib. Take the time to talk about your worries together. Perhaps you can plan an evening where you share what’s on your minds. This can help alleviate fears and strengthen your trust in each other.
The Sex
She thinks: Sex is already a sensitive topic. He thinks: It’s not going to get any easier now. In the first trimester of pregnancy, about half of all women feel tired and have less desire for sex than usual. The physical changes and constant thoughts about the baby can make many women feel insecure. By the fourth month, hormonal fluctuations decrease, and more than two-thirds of women start to enjoy sex again. By the end of the pregnancy, desire often wanes again, but the need for intimacy and affection does not. Only ten percent of couples stop having sex once the pregnancy is confirmed. In any case, pregnancy changes the sexual relationship. Perhaps your sex life becomes more passionate than before, or you discover new ways to experience intimacy. Maybe comfort, physical closeness, and pampering each other take center stage now. Talk openly about your desires and needs. You might find new ways to be close that are enjoyable for both of you.
The Anticipation
She is already reading poems to the baby in her belly. He dreams of a little Lionel Messi. After all, he’s having a son! Is that not obvious? It doesn’t matter. Unlike expectant mothers, fathers often have quite concrete ideas about who is entering their lives. When the little one kicks in the belly, his father jokes about the footballer who apparently can’t wait to score goals. It’s clear: His son will be a striker, not just in football. The future mother tends to reveal her vision of the child more hesitantly, preferring not to create a fixed image – she just wishes for everything to go well. Now is the perfect time to take some time together to dream and indulge in fantasies. Perhaps you can keep a baby book together where you note down your thoughts and wishes for your child. Isn’t it incredible that in a few months you will meet this little person who is already doing somersaults in your belly? Look at childhood photos of you and your partner and imagine how, in a few years, you will collect shells with your little one and read him children’s books. Such shared moments can strengthen the anticipation and the bond between you.
The Appearance
She thinks she looks fat. He thinks she is beautiful. Pregnancy makes one glow. The eyes shine, the hair glistens, the skin is rosy, and the breasts are full. However, not every pregnant woman feels comfortable with her baby bump right away; often, they just feel fat. Many women struggle with the physical changes and wonder if their partner still finds them attractive. The answer? Yes! Studies show that men find the mothers of their children particularly beautiful. However, it is also true that many men initially react somewhat reservedly to the physical changes because they are unsure how their partner feels. This makes it all the more important to involve your partner: Tell him how the baby is developing, let him feel the movements of your child. Perhaps you can also attend a prenatal yoga class together to support each other and promote well-being. This can not only strengthen your bond but also help you feel more comfortable in your body.
The Birth
She thinks: He will attend the birthing class with me and be there in the delivery room. He thinks: Do I really want this? Pregnancy and childbirth are a consciously chosen shared experience for most couples. However, you shouldn’t expect to float through the nine months in perfect emotional harmony. Whether he accompanies you to the ultrasound or prenatal class, or whether he wants to witness the birth, says nothing about his future qualities as a father – nor about his relationship with you. If he doesn’t feel comfortable, it’s important to respect that. Forget about taking your partner to check-ups or similar appointments; let a friend, your mother, or sister accompany you, and tell him afterward how it went. This takes a lot of pressure off the relationship – and next time, he might spontaneously decide to join you. Perhaps you can also create a birth plan together, outlining your wishes and ideas for the birth. This can help alleviate fears and prepare both of you for the upcoming event.