6 Sentences I Can No Longer Stand Hearing as a Childless Woman
Whether at family gatherings, in the office, or between two coffees: Women without children often receive unsolicited comments surprisingly frequently. Some sound concerned, others patronizing, many simply intrusive. Our author has kept track – and explains why these six sentences are not harmless, but rather show how stubborn old expectations still cling to women.
You don’t have children?
It’s the year 2024, yet childlessness among women is still a huge topic. While society has progressed in many areas, the choice to remain childless still seems to be laden with many questions and prejudices. Our author certainly has to hear a lot about it, and she’s had enough. It’s time to change the perspective on childless women and create more understanding for their choices.
So why not?
Yes, why not? And why didn’t I train as a nurse or study to become a teacher? Hmm. Choosing not to have children is just one of many decisions I’ve made. My life, my body, my business. I often get asked if I will regret not having children someday. This question implies that I am incapable of making my own decisions or that I don’t know what’s best for me. I’m 33 years old and have never felt that children fit into my life. This decision didn’t come out of whim, but is the result of much thought and experience.
Children are wonderful! They ask funny questions, look adorable, and bring joy to many people's lives. If you look at the history of humanity honestly, they often do better than their parents. I admire my friends who are mothers, and I see how much joy their children bring them. But I also see the challenges they face. The constant question of whether they have enough time for their children, whether they find the right balance between work and family, and whether they meet societal expectations. I don’t want those worries in my life.
Mothers, on the other hand, are heroines! They endure physical strains during pregnancy, childbirth, and possibly breastfeeding. Brave and selflessly, they take on all the difficulties and complications that having children brings to women in terms of career and financial planning. Oh, and then mothers also have to deal with the fact that no matter what they do, they’re doing it wrong: "You’re working again, even though your baby is only six months old? How heartless...!" Or the opposite: "What? You’re a full-time mom? Phew, 1917 says hello..."
Yet despite all these challenges that mothers master, it was never an option for me personally to become a mother. I have many friends who are mothers, and I admire them for their strength and dedication. But I have also seen the challenges they face. I often hear from them how difficult it is to find the right balance between work and family. The constant question of whether they have enough time for their children, whether they find the right balance between work and family, and whether they meet societal expectations. I don’t want those worries in my life.
One sentence I often hear is: "You’ll regret it when you’re older." This statement is not only frustrating but also hurtful. It implies that I am incapable of making my own decisions or that I don’t know what’s best for me. I have a fulfilling life, I love to travel, enjoy my career, and spend time with friends and family. Why should I regret not having children? Everyone has their own idea of happiness, and for me, that means enjoying my freedom and independence. I have the freedom to travel whenever I want and to gather new experiences without having to think about a child's needs.
Another sentence I often encounter is: "You’re selfish if you don’t want children." This statement is particularly painful because it questions my decision and implies that I don’t think about the future. I believe there are many ways to contribute to society, and that you don’t necessarily have to have children to have a positive impact. I engage in my community, support social projects, and help others where I can. These are all ways I can meaningfully use my time and energy. I also have many hobbies that bring me joy and fulfillment. These things make my life rich and meaningful without needing to have children.
After all: Women can now be so much more than was possible a few years ago – for example, Chancellor or CEO. These achievements show that women in society have more opportunities to realize their dreams. Surely it’s only a matter of a few years before they can also be childless without comment. And until then, I’ll just keep practicing my patience. I hope that one day we will live in a world where the choice to remain childless is respected just as much as the choice to have children.
In the meantime, I will continue to stand up for my beliefs and not let the opinions of others influence me. It’s important that we all make our own decisions and not be guided by societal expectations. Every person has the right to choose their own path in life, and that should be respected. I wish that we as a society would be more open and understanding towards each other and recognize the diversity of life choices. Because ultimately, it’s about each of us living the life that is best for him or her.
This article first appeared on BRIGITTE.de.